Well...I guess things are a bit better...

With my boyfriend at least. He teasingly called me a dork and a stinker, but he understands and is just concerned about me. I cried in my professor's office this morning, though. He's going to give me an incomplete, but he asked me how everything else was going and I just teared up. So he gave me some really good advice about teaching and handing the test back. Then I met with two students and we talked about the class and that was really good. But, they gave me some feedback that some students thought I was condescending because it seems like I dumb down the content. And I just reacted defensively and tried to explain how difficult I find it to speak coherently in front of groups, instead of asking them to explain better. And then in class I made some blunders and couldn't explain a concept and it was embarrassing. Then I embarrassed the students when I asked them about working memory and they couldn't respond. I felt like I was seeing myself in a new light as I was teaching, and I got embarrassed and distracted. But, I really just don't know how to change things to fix it. And I think I lack confidence. I was fine last semester, but my confidence has taken a nose dive since I started teaching. So yeah...we'll see. At least giving the test back didn't result in any blow-ups. Students seemed to be okay with my attempts to help them succeed, and I evaded any questions about class mean and distribution of grades.