Grading and Sleeping

Grading puts me in such a bad mood because I have four classes with 80 students total, and for the moment, I have to grade four essays per student, which is 320 essays. It was not my intention to set up my class this way, either. We teach in teams here, which means I have less autonomy. Normally, I'm fine with that, but not when it means I have too much grading to do. Ugh, this feels like such an uphill battle.

I've been having issues getting a full nights sleep lately. For awhile, I was waking up every night at 3am, unable to fall back asleep. The lack of sleep was disrupting my ability to work during the day, too. I was getting so fatigued and started taking the afternoons off. I think the insomnia was mainly due to my anxiety over teaching. I read a few websites which recommended that a person with all of my symptoms should talk to a doctor. I set up an appointment and my doctor asked me very few questions. Before even talking to me he had decided to prescribe a mild antidepressant used often for treating insomnia. Ugh, I don't want to be handed some drug to solve my problems! I want to get to the root of it and understand why I've developed insomnia in this stage of my life when I've never had problems sleeping before. So I refrained from filling the prescription and instead I've been trying natural sleep remedies, such as valerian root and melatonin. It does seen to be helping. I'm not as fatigued at work, but I still have trouble waking up frequently every other night. A few months ago, I started exercising in the early evening and that helped me fall asleep, but not stay asleep through the night.

These are all just salves, like ointment to rub on the skin when the problem is far beneath the skin. I think teaching-related anxiety is the root cause. The first year experience director position finally open up. I have yet to apply for it, but I must make time to apply. I only hope that if I get the job, my teaching-related anxieties will subside and not be replaced by some other anxiety. Then I'll know the problem, of which insomnia is only my most current symptom, has a much deeper root than I thought. Time will tell, I suppose.