It's easier to be around other people's families...
For precisely the reason that they don't know enough about you to pry or give unsolicited advice. I'm spending this 4th of July holiday with my sisters (who live an hour and a half away). I'm also inviting my boyfriend to meet them for the first time. I talked with both of them on the phone individually and both said things to me that either made me angry or upset. Of course, I didn't respond to their comments. My older sister seemed to think that she knew best what my timeline should be with my boyfriend (involving cutting him off before the first six months if a certain amount of "spiritual progress" was not met). I know I tend to go with the flow instead of forcing an issue, but I'd rather be on God's timeline than anyone else's.
My younger sister said a couple things that upset me directly or gave me pause. The one thing she said that gave me pause was that certain things I dislike about him (e.g., excessive self-consciousness about appearance) would be fixed as soon as he received the Holy Spirit. I'm not so sure about this. I think it might take a little while for maladaptive thought patterns to be changed by good teaching and the working of the Holy Spirit. I know I wasn't perfected when I received the Baptism of the Holy Spirit. God worked on me for three years afterwards (yeah, I didn't even realize my (continual?) need to be transformed).
The other thing she said was that my she and my Dad were worried that my boyfriend would whittle down my fragile self-confidence because Mormons are programmed to think of women as second-rate and inferior to men. Women have a minimized place in the Mormon church in comparison to men (especially considering that weird belief that a woman can't enter heaven unless her husband calls her by name from the other side. What if he decides not to???).
This actually hit close to home because I've noticed lately that my boyfriend prefers to critique my appearance rather than compliment me. He actually seems more comfortable saying negative things than positive things. I think I'm past the initial infatuation, but I'm critiquing his psyche rather than his appearance.
In any case, I never realized how much my sisters annoy me.
posted by kiki @ 11:00 PM
2 comments
2 Comments:
Hi,
Just happened to see your post by accident but had to comment.
I can't speak specifically about your boyfriend, but in general, Mormon men are NOT "programmed" to think of women as second class. Quite the opposite in fact!
That is coming from a son of a working professional Mom who is LDS.
Please take a good look around at Mormon women like Bay Buchanan or former Florida senator Paula Hawkins. Mormon women are encouraged to be educated and active in civil affairs and so forth. Their views and opinions are sought.
If you are getting this from your boyfriend or other uninformed individuals, I encourage you to associate with a few more LDS women before coming to those conclusions. I think you will find many professionl LDS women who do not feel second class nor will they say they are treated as such!
Thank you for your opinion, especially since it comes from direct experience. I know that my boyfriend doesn't think I'm inferior. It's my family that worries that my boyfriend might be treating me as if I'm inferior. But, I do have one question: Are women limited in what offices they can perform in the LDS church? If that is the case, then it might be giving both men and women the subconscious idea that women are inferior.
The reason my family thinks that Mormons are programmed to think women are inferior is that historically women have held an inferior place. Condsider the idea that men can have many wives (not the most gender-equal scenario). That is not currently endorsed by the LDS church (except for the idea that divorced men get to have all their previous wives at the afterlife). My family's idea is that even though the LDS church may look more egalitarian in the present day, it is very difficult not to subconsiously carry inequality over from past church doctrine.
And having been in the LDS church for so long (I presume) perhaps you don't recognize covert inequalty when it is expressed in a subtle manner.
And finally, even if there is no gender inequality in the LDS church as you testify, there does exist some form of racial inequality. My boyfriend is Asian and all the LDS Caucasian women he tried to date told him that they would never marry him because he is Asian. He also tells me that people refrain from acting friendly towards him, nor do they invite him to sit with them in church. He's an outcast in his own church and to me, that is great enough testimony that the LDS church fails to share the love of Christ to all who enter.
I just want to thank you again for your comment because I think you really do love your church and it is important to be able to defend your church's doctrine in important matters. I have had many female LDS friends in the past and I think highly of all of them. I don't think any of them feel that they are looked down upon and all of them are strong women.
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