A fallen academic: Unveiling the fears of academia

I was just perusing blogs and fell upon this blog post. It reflected all my old fears about becoming a professor. A very successful academic had committed suicide and all that remained were questions. Why did she do it? Speculation about the pressures of academia ran rampant. The need to get published and get funding and become an award-winning teacher...Oh and by the way, try to have some meaningful free time with friends and family while you are at it.

I used to think such a life was impossible to achieve. How can one juggle so many things at once? How can one have a job that requires so much of you for so little in return? But, that's no longer my concern. You know why? Because now I'm confidant that I can do it. And I want to do it. I can't imagine living any other life but the life of an academic. I love research. I love discovery. I love learning. And someday I hope that I'll grow to love conveying the love of learning to others in a classroom setting. How can one squelch one's passion? And by leaving out the option of becoming an academic, I would be doing just that.

And what of family and friends? The woman who committed suicide left behind a husband and daughter. One of the commenters came to the conclusion that having young children and trying to get tenure was not compatible. I used to have the same belief. In fact, I've always declared that I won't have children while in graduate school for the same reason. But, I laugh! I never thought about the very next stage and how that would be just as difficult! If you hold on this belief, then there will always be a reason to not have children. If I waited until after I had tenure, I could very well be in my mid-to-late 30s before having a child. But, what is all that? Nothing but fear, nothing but rationalizing a preference for career over personal life and the love of a child. Do other jobs incite this level of concern in women?

I turn away from those concerns. But, my thoughts and prayers are with those who personally knew the woman. Nothing could be more tragic than the loss of an academic who is seen as a role model for others, one who excelled in her chosen field, one who had a wonderful family.

And I hope we don't come to the conclusion that academic life is too much to bear, that the pressures of academia were the very thing that drove her past the breaking point. But, if it was...let us bear each other's academic burdens so that we are not alone in our struggles.