Insomnia....again

This is the first time I've had trouble sleeping in weeks. After meeting with a friend of mine from grad school a few weeks ago, my depression finally lifted. I started working on research and threw together new analyses of old data and two new research IRB proposals. However, I learned a few weeks ago that I did not get the First Year Experience Course Director position. At first, I felt fine about losing the position because I wasn't sure the position was right for me after learning more about it during the interviewing.

But now I'm changing my tune. Classes start this week, and I'm up in the middle of the night typing this because I can't sleep. I had trouble falling asleep and once I did fall asleep, I woke up a couple hours later with night sweats. I've been awake for the past two hours, and I'm dreading the idea that this semester might be a re-play of last semester, where I began experiencing sleep disturbances every night and was so fatigued during the day that I could barely managed to keep up with teaching and couldn't make any progress on research.

Then I started thinking horrible thoughts that I would rather die than experience that again. I had to get up because the thoughts made me cry, and I didn't want to disturb my husband. I'm beginning to think that maybe I should take those antianxiety or antidepressant pills that my doctor prescribed for my insomnia last semester. But, I wanted to try natural sleep remedies first. And maybe I should start seeing a therapist, too. My husband contacted our pastor a few weeks ago because I just randomly stayed home from work, and he got a recommendation for a counselor. But I didn't want to make an appointment because I thought I was doing better.

Clearly I'm not.