April Fools has brought Spring Snow

And unfortunately it left a couple inches to make for a delayed morning drive tomorrow. Oh how I wish it would be spring, and winter would unclasp its icy grasp. But mainly, I wish the semester would end already. Lately, I've been wearing down and struggling to get by. It is very tiring to teach every single day. The department chair observed my most difficult class the week before spring break. Some weaknesses and few strengths were brought up. Student feedback on the course was made available online as well. Unfortunately, the lovely internet feedback mechanism made it possible to compare my scores with the other instructors who teach the same class. I have some definite weaknesses according to the students, and most everything else is average. I have such a tendency to view critiques as evidence of personal failure and not as an opportunity to improve. I have been trying to make changes to my teaching. But, I've also been fighting the feeling that it is too difficult for me to improve and that these are non-malleable teaching failings on my part. A little bit of helplessness, anxiety, and depression has settled in the last few weeks as I grappled with my teaching. I think I'm feeling myself pulling out of it though. I'm starting to feel more confident about trying new teaching techniques. And today my last class actually spent the whole hour immersed in discussion. I scrapped my PowerPoint and carefully laid plans when one student asked if we could discuss people's coping strategies (we are on the stress and health chapter). It felt good to just carry on a conversation with the students about their experiences and how they deal with their stressors. But, I don't think other chapters will go the same way since this topic was so personal to them. But it was very nice to see what they were capable of. When teaching is good, it is very good. But, when teaching is bad, it is very bad.