Sometimes I just don't like teaching

You know, not every professor you run across is good at teaching. I should give myself more slack for not being that great at teaching. That's not entirely what this is about though. I'm feeling morose because my 5th period class finally opened up today, and I think it was because one of the other instructors taught it while I was home sick. Apparently, they liked her a lot, and I think she actually helped them open up. They are such a quiet class that I clam up when I have to teach them. But, she made them participate. I asked them what they liked about her teaching and one person said her PowerPoints were more interesting than mine. He had a lot of guts to say that. And another said she goes slow enough to write everything down.

But, what bothered me the most was that for once, the students were happy and boisterous before class started. They've never been that way before, and I don't know if they'll be that way again. So, of course, I turned a mountain into a molehill and asked myself why I'm even teaching. I wish that I enjoyed teaching more that I currently do. Because I'm an introvert and because I get all riled internally about small things, maybe I won't ever really like teaching that much. I stress out before I teach, and if it doesn't go well, I harangue myself for hours afterward. If it went well, the mild elation lasts for five minutes.

Maybe I should stop hoping that I'll enjoy teaching (occasionally I actually do enjoy teaching) and just treat it as part of the job. I have to make young people learn, that's part of my job description. Do I have to love everything about my job? I used to love research. But, I'm so focused on getting teaching right that I've let research slide. And focusing on something that makes you nervous is not a pleasant way to live life. Being sick this week has given me a break from teaching but I wish the break was longer. However, if I wasn't so sick, maybe I wouldn't be so morose about teaching.