Time and Patience

I need more patience perhaps. Things always do seem to come together in their own time. But, I've always wanted to know what these things were before I saw them come together in the present. That elusive future has always captivated me with it's mystery. I just simply need to know what will happen. But, perhaps the knowledge itself would be painful if I knew it was to come but it wasn't actually going to happen yet. Imagine if your five year plan of what you would like to do actually became your five year plan of what you will inevitably do. Come to think of it, such knowledge doesn't sound that great after all. What if the inevitable is not all positive? I'm sure we all plan out positive outcomes for our lives, never negative. Thus, I should be patient with my future, letting it become the present when it will.

It's just that I can imagine what it will be like and I have all these questions. When will I actually get married? Where will I be living after this contract is over and I presumably move on? Will I land a tenure-track job? When will I start having children? All of this was put on hold and I never allowed myself to imagine it when I was working on my doctorate. The only goal I could see was that of graduating. Now that I have graduated, the future has opened up to so many more possibilities, but alas, so many more questions. The one most on my mind this morning has been, "What will my program of research become?" I suppose I should begin to exercise that patience.