Blech...

Ugh, unpleasant teaching day today. The first period was fine but the second period really dragged. They acted disinterested and wouldn't answer when I asked the whole class to choose which cause of death was more frequent. I hate when students are so resistant, and act like they wish class was over.

But, I'm beginning to wonder if part of their attitude is in response to my own attitude toward them. I don't talk to them before class starts, partly because I'm shy and partly because I don't get them. I don't look or act excited to teach them and I don't feel excited about the material. It feels like such an ordeal just to get through two hours of teaching. It's no wonder they aren't excited.

Although every class is different and I get more revved up in some classes than others. It's just those classes that act tired, disinterested, and disrespectful that get me down. It could also be the particular institution where I teach. I don't want to give it away, but I really can't seem to connect with these students. I don't understand them, their background, what makes them tick. They are a mystery to me. But, mostly I don't think I can really find common ground with them. They are mostly male, arrogant, and aggressive. Type A personalities. I am female, passive, Type B personality, and more willing to acknowledge my shortcomings.

So yes, it could be my fault, but the cycle has already started. I have 2/3rds of the semester to go, and it will be extremely hard to get through if every lesson is going to be like this one for the rest of the semester.

Reflection

I realize now that a lot of my malaise shown in the last post was related to sickness. I had a cold at the time of my last post and feeling sick makes it easier to feel down. I'm doing better lately. I've started to settle into the routine of teaching and students are starting to get into the swing of things. However, I've been really searching my soul lately. I'm starting to think that I want to move away from a career as faculty. I didn't get the position as Academic Scholars Program director, but there's still a possibility of getting into student services as first year experience director. I did my dissertation on a first year experience program, and I'm hoping that would help get my foot in the door.