Well now I don't know what to think...

I introduced social psychology today by showing movies, having students act out skits, and demonstrating an experiment with students, in addition to some minimal discussion. But, then I found a white index card propped up on the blackboard by an eraser. Written on it was the sentence, "I never really understood much of anything during the entire class." There was no signature; it was anonymous.

I typical student would ask me for help if they didn't understand the material. Since this was anonymous, I assume that it was meant to intimidate me. It noticed the note after my fourth period class. I don't know whether it came from any other classes before that, but the horrible teaching critique came from my fourth period class as well.

Now, I'm afraid this may be the same student who left the teaching critique and the student may be troubled. The note could be an indicator that this student is about to burst under the pressure, and I'm his or her scapegoat or potential target for harm.

The Weekend

An update on my sister: She really enjoyed meeting with her therapist. They just talked about symptoms and symptom management. And it turns out her therapist had panic attacks before, but she managed the attacks and doesn't get them anymore. I think hearing that made my sister feel much better. I'm really glad for her.

In other news, I was going to travel back to my grad university's town for a bachelorette party. But, the weather predicted snow, so I canceled. My fiance was planning a bachelor party tomorrow, too. Instead of canceling, he drove up before the snow was forecast to start, even though the forecasted snow goes all the way through Sunday night. He figures he'll stay with his friend all weekend, even through Sunday night if need be. Needless to say, I was very upset with him; I tried to get him to stay home but he resisted. Before he left, he asked me to grab dinner and meet at his apartment. I was still very angry and downed my food as I sulked; I could tell his expression was downcast out of the corner of my eye. As I ate silently I started to think about the premarital counseling sessions on the biblical roles and responsibilities of the husband and wife (to love and to obey, respectively). I also thought about the book my aunt and uncle sent us as a wedding present titled, "Love and Respect." Obedience and respect for the man is provided by the woman, and love for the woman is provided by the man. I tried to put myself in my fiance's shoes, and I realized that I would be exerting control over him that would be demoralizing if I demanded he stay home and he had to comply. Even if I think he's making the wrong decision, I might as well honor that decision. So I just hugged him, and told him I was only concerned about his safety. The tension in the air subsided, and within minutes he told me he loved me. As soon as I responded by respecting his decision, he responded with love. There must be something to all this love and respect business after all. I still worry about him traveling in the snow this weekend, and I hope that he'll be more willing to accept my input in future decisions or I might be the one to become demoralized.

Update on Teaching and Other Things

Thanks so much for the comments on my last post about teaching. I didn't want to remind myself what I felt, so I didn't read over it again. The worst of the teaching critiques seemed to come from one student in one of my periods. I think I know who the student is, and I've spoken to him numerous times outside of class. He was really displeased about the changes that have been made to the course, and I think he was feeling helpless to improve his grade. His grade has definitely dipped since midterms, and he has a surly attitude in class, playing on the internet and refraining from participating in group work. Students here are required to come to class, otherwise he wouldn't be attending class anymore. He's the only student who has been behaving this way; the others are still trying to do well in the class.

I had a conversation with another instructor who started out using PowerPoint and found that her students weren't paying attention. When she shifted to a discussion-based format, she said the students had an easier time staying awake, were more engaged, and gave longer answers to her questions. I sat in on her class, and decided I would try some other teaching techniques instead of PowerPoint. It was really hard to move away from PowerPoint because I feel safe when I use it. I can follow a set plan for the class, and be sure to cover what I wanted to cover. But, since I moved away from PowerPoint, the students have been more engaged, and I've been feeling like I don't need to rely on PowerPoint. I've also endorsed the idea that I don't need to cover all the material in class. They can get everything they need from reading since the tests are entirely based on the text. I can do activities in class that focus more deeply on fewer content items. I'm feeling much better about this approach. I've started to feel like I have control over my teaching and that it's not a helpless situation.

In other news, my sister is going to see a mental health professional today to be evaluated for Panic Disorder. When I was talking to her on the phone, she was really freaked out. She was afraid to see the doctor and afraid that her condition might be permanent. She and I both have tendencies towards anxiety and shyness, as have our older siblings. We're thinking there must be a genetic predisposition for anxiety in our family. But, not until a few months before her wedding did she start showing symptoms consistent with panic attacks. Her in-laws made a big deal about the wedding and forced their desires for the wedding upon her. She got ill with persistent cold and/or flu, and that's when the panic attacks started showing up. I am really sad for her, but I'm glad she's seeking help. I really wish I could be there for her. I want to go with her to see her therapist, and I want to observe the therapy to check it's effectiveness. I want to talk to the therapist and give suggestions because I know my sister so much better than the therapist. I just hope everything will be okay.