Sometimes I just don't like teaching

You know, not every professor you run across is good at teaching. I should give myself more slack for not being that great at teaching. That's not entirely what this is about though. I'm feeling morose because my 5th period class finally opened up today, and I think it was because one of the other instructors taught it while I was home sick. Apparently, they liked her a lot, and I think she actually helped them open up. They are such a quiet class that I clam up when I have to teach them. But, she made them participate. I asked them what they liked about her teaching and one person said her PowerPoints were more interesting than mine. He had a lot of guts to say that. And another said she goes slow enough to write everything down.

But, what bothered me the most was that for once, the students were happy and boisterous before class started. They've never been that way before, and I don't know if they'll be that way again. So, of course, I turned a mountain into a molehill and asked myself why I'm even teaching. I wish that I enjoyed teaching more that I currently do. Because I'm an introvert and because I get all riled internally about small things, maybe I won't ever really like teaching that much. I stress out before I teach, and if it doesn't go well, I harangue myself for hours afterward. If it went well, the mild elation lasts for five minutes.

Maybe I should stop hoping that I'll enjoy teaching (occasionally I actually do enjoy teaching) and just treat it as part of the job. I have to make young people learn, that's part of my job description. Do I have to love everything about my job? I used to love research. But, I'm so focused on getting teaching right that I've let research slide. And focusing on something that makes you nervous is not a pleasant way to live life. Being sick this week has given me a break from teaching but I wish the break was longer. However, if I wasn't so sick, maybe I wouldn't be so morose about teaching.

Health

I've been sick the last couple of days, and I stayed home from work both days. I thought I would be well enough to go to work today. However, I discovered I had lost my voice this morning. I figured I might as well stay home since I wouldn't be able to teach anyways. I must have needed it because I went back to sleep at 9am and slept until 2pm. I could have slept more, but I made myself get up to eat food and drink tea. Even though I'm sick, I have been rather relieved to stay home because teaching every day has started to wear on me. As a graduate student, the most I've ever taught is one class three times a week. Now I'm teaching four classes five times a week. It's a little draining. Oddly enough, it's not as bad as being in graduate school. Although I have to "perform" in front of a class every day, I haven't felt the need to push myself to do a ton of stuff. I assume that I'm going to have to push myself harder soon in order to get a research project done by the end of the semester. But for now, I feel content to work a few nights a week, watch TV the other evenings, and take the weekends off.

Between sleeping and vegging these last couple of days, I've worked on unpacking and re-arranging the house. It feels much better to have the house feeling like it's almost completely unpacked. I just wonder now whether I'll have my voice back in time to teach tomorrow. We shall see...

Teaching

I'm still trying to learn how to be a learner-centered instructor. My usual PowerPoint-based lecturing approach tends to put them to sleep. The students here get to be so incredibly tired. I find it to be a challenge to keep them awake and interested in the material. I need to become more creative and come up with activities to get them out of their seats. I need to increase participation by asking more and better questions. I just wish I knew how to do that.

This House is Amazing

I finally spent the weekend at home with my boyfriend visiting me. The last two weekends I have been back at my old haunt, cleaning like a mad-woman and leaving my new place in shambles. Last weekend I finally re-arranged plants and furniture and unpacked some boxes. I purchased two bookshelves for all my books. Soon I'll be able to take some books to work and unpack my office at home. With my living area neatly arranged, I realized for the seventh time how amazing is this house. Seriously, look at my pictures of my living room....



The lighting is low, yielding greater effect when I turn on the gas fireplace and light candles. It is incredibly soothing. Here's a close-up...



I feel incredibly lucky to live in this house. I can't wait until I'm done unpacking, and I can more fully enjoy the beauty of this house.