Ever Present Thoughts on Teaching

I was talking to another graduate student today. She was one of the TAs who did not get offered a teaching assistanceship for this spring. She really likes teaching, but wasn't offered a class. I was offered a class, but I don't like teaching. It is so unpleasantly ironic. I can't believe that when I declined to teach next semester, she wasn't given the position, especially since she's already taught the subject. Instead they offered it to someone who was teaching stats this semester. I can understand if they need to keep the assistanceships within the department, but the person they offered the class to wasn't from my department either. Ultimately, she declined and they gave the class to a professor.

My friend was telling me that it was a blessing in disguise to not be teaching, since she's going to be so busy next semester. I still feel bad about it, though.

I really wish that I understood what makes people react so differenlty to the same sitution (well, almost the same). Why does she enjoy teaching so much and I can't stand it?

Once again, my class size is dwindling. I have a really hard time not taking it personally when my students don't want to come to class. The other graduate student was telling me about an inclass project they did, in which her 65 students stood up and conversed with each other. My class is supposed to have 65 students, but only about 20 ever show up. It's getting to the point where students are requesting extra credit for showing up. It's bad for morale, my own and my students, when so many fail to show up.

I'll be so relieved when the semester is over and I won't be teaching anymore. Although, I did get a positive response from one of my students today. She wrote a paper to make up a test and left a sticky note on the back in which she mentioned that she loved my class. It's so nice to hear positive feedback from students.

Teaching!?!??!

I'm constantly second guessing myself when I teach. Afterwards, I could spend hours ruminatin over what I said and hoping it didn't show insensitivity or bias towards any group within my college-level social psych class. I was especially concerned today because I spoke about prejudice and how we still experience subtle forms of descrimination in today's era. Take, for example, the fact that some white women only date African American males? Is that a form of reverse discrimination, especially if they restrict thier dating to one group? And should it be considered discrimination at all if said group is a minority?

I even gave a personal example and ususally I refrain from giving examples that reveal too much about me. But, this seemed to fit in so well with what we were talking about. A guy that I dated for a while said to me that I was soo white that he wanted to suck some of the whiteness out of me and replace it with some other ethnicity. Basically, he was stating that he'd like me a whole lot more if the color of my skin was different. Now I'm a white woman, so ususally I'm not the brunt of any form of racial descrimination. So this was completely surprising and a little disturbing.

Back on topic, I usually like giving examples that make my students stop and think, opening thier minds to more complicated abstract ways of thinking. But, in the process, some of the examples can be too controvercial. Yes, I know, if I was a guy I might be sloughing it off right now and thinking they can take it. But, I'm not a guy and I know that teachers can get in trouble if students get offended. Especially if said teacher is simply a graduate student who may be 7 or 8 years older than her students, but sure doesn't look that much older. (And is female, but I won't get into how being female opens me up to attacks on my authority, especially from young males.)

At any rate, this afternoon I took a nap, just so my mind would go into an altered state of consciousness that would preclude any attempt to ruminate over today's teaching. Ugh!