New Year's Resolution...or Not

I was reading my resolutions for last year and became very disappointed by my lack of progress. I didn't accomplish hardly any of the goals I had set. The important goals 1 through 5 were never accomplished. And I was shocked that I had planned to defend my comps projects last fall. I think that the haze of last semester made me think my decision to put back my comps defense until spring was my original plan. Yeesh! I should write out a graduation plan just to make sure I know when I'm falling behind. And Goal #8 (the neuropsych externship) really did sap my time and energy so that I couldn't accomplish the rest of my goals. And then I met my current boyfriend at the end of last spring semester. That pretty much shot my summer plans and teaching in the fall pretty much shot everything else down. Last year was really rough and I feel like a broken grad student.

The reason I say that is because I finally realize that I am only human and I can't fulfill my own expectations of myself. They are just simply too high. Secondly, having a boyfriend that I really care about has made me realize that there is far more to life than grad school. My priorities have shifted and school is no longer more important than my boyfriend, which was how I approached every previous relationship I've ever had.

So now I only have one goal--graduation. I will graduate this December. One year from now, I will be ready to move on with life and I will be done with this lengthy stint as a graduate student. I just want to say to all of you out there who are thinking about grad school--please examine your decision more closely. If you don't have very strong reasons for going to grad school, please don't go. (As a side note, getting a master's is only extended undergrad. In many cases, its really not worthwhile unless you continue your schooling and obtain your Ph.D.)

Finally, last semester has convinced me without a shadow of a doubt that academia is not for me. Imagine spending your first five years in graduate school striving towards the goal of becoming a professor only to realize in your last year that being a professor is not quite "it." And whatever "it" is you want to become is no longer clear to you. I think now I would just be happy with a normal job that would allow me to research something interesting. Any other dreams I once had (if I even remember them) just don't matter to me anymore.

And one final thing that really distinguishes the person I am now from the person I was last year is my attitude towards the start of the semester. Last year, I devoted many posts to an agonized desire for school to start. Now the impending start of the semester is a source of agony. I simply don't want the semester to start. I do not want to go back to school at all. If I could just forge a diploma and win the lottery life would be grand.