New Year's Resolutions? Eh! I'll think about it....

Last January, I set up a few resolutions for the new semester. Let's review:

Goal #1: Phffft! Those aged projects are still sitting in dusty folders.

Goal #2: Amazingly, I actually did make an attempt to read everything before the class and I carried that through the whole rest of the year. Yes! Goal accomplished! In fact, goal internalized. I don't even have to set this goal anymore because it is a given.

Goal #3: I would say this was partially accomplished. I didn't have an opportunity to actually play with some data. Conducting IRT analyses are essential for deep learning. Therefore, I plan to continue collecting data. Hopefully, I can conduct analyses later this year.

Goal #4: We actually conducted that study, but it was shot down by unreliability of measurements. So sad. It was a good experience, though. (Snort! But, I have nothing tangible to show for it.)

Goal #5: Not accomplished! I didn't get involved in that project at all. However, I am hoping that they will collect data that I can play with on my own time.

Goal #6: Partially accomplished. I ran the research colloquiums, but the lecture series never took place.

And now that I think about it, that was not really all that much to do. Just wait until 2007. I'm setting new goals with one major resolution, which is to graduate as soon as humanly possible. I've been in grad school waaaay too long. In general, I've been in the grad school enterprise for 5 and a half years. However, my situation is strange because I've only been in this particular program for one and a half of those years. Most people in my situation would be newbies with no intention of graduating any time soon. Not so with me; I'm planning to graduate in 3 and half years, which means I have one and a half years left and I'll be taking classes all the way through. Ugh!

So here are my goals:

Goal #1: Finish collecting data for comps project #1. Write up project over summer. Oral and written defense Fall 2007. Submit for publication.

Goal #2: Begin collecting data for comps project #2. Continue writing up project over summer. Conduct immunoassays and analyze data with Frontiers of Science students over summer. Oral and written defense Fall 2007. Submit for publication.

Goal #3: Learn Structural Equation Modeling deeply through class with Scary Prof. Learn more deeply by conducting analyses on SEM project that Advisor never wrote up. Write the results section. Try to get the article published through collaboration with Advisor and another person who worked on the project.

Goal #4: Develop collaboration with individual who is collecting data on same personality survey that I've been using. Consider collecting data for his study at this site. Consider writing up article for publication on test-retest of survey. Consider conducting IRT analysis on my 4-point vs. 5-point likert scale. Consider contributing to his study on impressive IRT analyses (unfolding model, yikes!).

Goal #5: Collect data on College Adjustment Survey that I'm in the process of developing.

Goal #6: Lead weekly research meetings with four other grad students. Make progress. Mini mentor the grad students on the research process.

Goal #7: Make the most out of my three classes for the Spring semester: Structural Equation Modeling, Advanced Learning and Cognition (the prof plans on focusing on recent Cog Neuroscience findings, yes!) and Educational Assessment (with my two favorite people as instructors!).

Goal #8: Make the most out of my Neuropsychology externship. Don't let the externship sap my energy and draw time and resources away from the rest of my goals.

Take that 2007! Now for the immediate, short-term mini-goals:

Mini-goal #1: Read book on Structural Equation Modeling before the semester starts. This will provide good conceptual background knowledge for the mathematical theory that I'm sure Scary prof will spend most of her time teaching us.

Mini-goal #2: Finish creating the poster presentation for the conference I'll be attending this February.

Mini-goal #3: Apply for funding to attend the conference.

Mini-goal #4: Submit an abstract for a paper presentation at a different conference later in the year.

Mini-goal #5: Read Neuropsych book in preparation for externship.

Mini-goal #6: Write IRB applications for survey development project and Psych research pool applications for my other projects in preparation for data collection at beginning of semester. There will be nothing left in the Psych research pool by the time I'm done with it. He, he, he.

There's more, but I'll stick with these for the present. Whew! Looks exhausting! Let the new year begin!

Why is it still snowing?!?

Another wave of blizzard weather has hit the area and I'm not even home. Piles of snow on my driveway and I'm not there to shovel it off! Argh!

Having massive amounts of fun with the family, though. I've even forgotten all about school and given up on anything remotely school-related. For the first two days I spent some time playing with data and reading my structural equation modeling book (almost done with chapter 3! Such a riveting book!). But, now I just play board games and Mario Cart, tease my siblings, make up stories with the children, and lay around watching my favorite shows on TV (Dirty Jobs, Myth Busters, Man vs. Wild, and all of HGTV). And I'm totally whomping on everyone with all the board games. He, he, he....

I did have my car looked at and the breaks are fine. The most likely cause of the break problem was frozen break fluid in the lines, and the breaks were fine after the car thawed out. The engine was running rough, so I had them do a tune up. But, it didn't completely fix the problem and even though my car is running more smoothly, it's still making strange noises that it didn't make before the storm. I think my car is on the verge of exhausting it's usefulness. If I'm really honest with myself, I'd admit that it isn't all that safe to drive. Sigh! I really love that car. It was and still is my first car and I've driven it for ten years already. Sigh...any new car is going to have to be fantastic and unique to stand in for my old car. And the headlights have to pop up, too. (Otherwise, I'll have trouble remembering to turn off the headlights with no immediate visual reminder that they are on!)

Frozen Car Adventures

Bio Prof came and picked me up to go get my car from the parking lot. The crew had been busy clearing the parking lot, but when we got there, a pile of snow had been left in the middle of the road leading to the parking lot. Bio Prof had to get out his shovel and move some snow out of the way. I started to walk toward my car when another car pulled up. I laughed to find that one of the psych profs was trying to get into the psych building as well as us. Come on, workaholics! Don't we all know that it's vacation time?

I walked the rest of the way to my car just as Bio Prof made it past the large pile of snow. It was good timing, because I was walking around my car, wondering how I was going to get in. There was snow packed all around it, and Bio Prof had to shovel snow out of the way just so I could open the driver's side door. I tried starting the car, but my baby wouldn't start! It just sort of puttered and whimpered. After about five minutes of coaxing, the car finally started, but it was very unsure of itself. So Bio Prof shoveled all the snow out of the way in front of the car and I tried pulling out. The car was in "drive" and I was pushing on the gas, but nothing happened! The wheels weren't even spinning!

Luckily, the guy who was plowing the parking lot pulled his tractor up behind me and motioned that he would push me out. Both Bio Prof and Psych Prof directed the tractor guy on where to position the tractor while I sat there thinking, "Don't scratch my car!" Silly me, my car is almost 19 years old and is already starting to rust. But, he managed to push my car out of it's snow cave, and I started to skid around and pull the car to a stop. But, I applied the breaks and it felt like they weren't working very well.

I thanked everyone and got Bio Prof's office number in case I had trouble making it home (he was planning to stay and work on an experiment. Crazy prof, wait....that makes me crazy, too, since my desire to run an experiment during a BLIZZARD was what got me into this mess). I drove slowly because the car just didn't feel right and I really was having trouble stopping. So I put the hazard lights on and drove 35mph on the highway the rest of the way home. I took the car into the auto shop close to home and had them take a look. Yep, there's something wrong with the hydraulics. But, they couldn't try to find out where the problem was because the underside of the car was packed with snow and ice. So I have to take the car home and warm it up in my garage, but the mechanic is going on vacation and won't be back until Jan 2nd. Argh!!!!

In conclusion, my precious little car is sitting in my garage with my space heater on full blast and my parents, who are traveling from another state, are going to drive up here and pick me up so that I don't miss the Holiday Festivities. Phew! Crazy weather!!

Once again, everyone stay safe inside! Don't go out, the snowpack is higher than cars in some places! Cars are buried all over the place! It's almost comical, come to think of it. He, he, yep, real funny.

Driveway + Wall of Snow = Not Good

I might be exaggerating a tiny bit about that whole "wall" of snow thing. Maybe it's not that bad. But, after sweating for a couple hours and shaking all over, I managed to hurl all of that snow to the sides of my driveway. Then I dragged myself inside, threw my coat, gloves, hat on the floor and proceeded to throw myself on the floor as well. I lay there, alternating between stretching and laying limp. My muscles are really going to hurt! I tried switching the weight between my arms, but my left arm is definitely the worst for the wear.

But, as I gaze out the window now, I see a beautiful span of cement, glistening with little pools of water and small splotches of leftover snow. Now my driveway no longer hints that a slacker resides in this house. Yes, perhaps it was all worth it (if I manage to get my car out of the university parking lot and into my garage, that is).

Yep, I'd call this a blizzard

Just taking a brief look at my profile reveals that I live in Colorado, so I'm not too concerned about revealing my location by blogging about my experiences in the blizzard today. I foolishly thought it would be fine to drive into school and work with Bio Prof for a few hours on the immunoassay. The weather was already bad at 9am. I should have just stayed in! But, I didn't and ended up working until 3pm with Bio Prof because I forgot the kit and had to spend another hour driving back home in the snow to retrieve it. So we started later than expected. But, as we were getting ready to leave, Bio Prof discovered that his special mega cold freezer had tripped the circuit breaker. So he had to call the campus police to let him into the room to flip the switch.

In the meantime, I tried driving home, but I couldn't even make it out of the parking lot. Campus was closed at 12pm and the parking lot was not swept clear of snow. It had piled so high that my car felt like it was swimming and then promptly became stuck in the snow. I wasn't going anywhere. So I went back into the building, but had to call the police to forward me to Bio Prof's office so that he would let me in because the building was locked. Right about then the policeman showed up and reprimanded us. "The governor has declared a state of emergency!" "No non-essential driving unless it's an emergency!" Judging by Bio Prof's reaction to the discovery that the freezer was off, I'd say it was an emergency. He would have lost all his hard-earned cell samples. Experiments down the tube! That's certainly an emergency. (Wait, I can't even figure out if I'm being facetious or serious here. I think I'm actually leaning towards serious, but with a comical twist.)

So after we established that the freezer was actually working and the experiments were going to be okay, we headed out into the snow. We stopped to help another crazy prof get out of the parking lot. I was very concerned that he wouldn't be able to get out either because his car was just as low as mine. Bio Prof drove a truck, so we were fine for the most part. Then we tried to move my car back into a parking spot, but it was still not going anywhere. So Bio Prof drove me to my house and somehow managed to make it safely back to his house, too.

Yep, I'm pretty much stuck here until Friday, when we'll make a last-ditch effort to get my car out of the parking lot. What a day! I just hope I don't go stir-crazy with just my cat to occupy my time. I talked with another grad student over the phone and she's already going stir-crazy since her roommates are out of town, and she hasn't been out of the house all day. Alas, we both plan to work on school stuff. Hmmm, let's see if I actually do that (instead of blogging perhaps??).

Stay safe out there!

Sigh, lost my momentum

All last week I was mourning the end of the semester (yes, I'm a nerd). I promised myself that I would keep working even though the semester was over, and I didn't have a good reason to go into school. But, as soon as the weekend heralded the end of the semester, I lost all momentum. I had to craft a response to the grant officer that required more research and I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I have to take the lead in putting together the class that I'm co-teaching with New Prof, but I'm still procrastinating on that. I have an abstract to write for a conference submission and I haven't even checked to make sure I'm not missing the deadline. The only bright light is the fact that I HAVE to go into school tomorrow in order to run a sample immunoassay with Bio Prof. Yesss, I'm so looking forward to that (did I tell you I was a nerd?).

Plus, I've been sleeping in. Argh! How dare I sleep in!?!?! It throws off my sleep schedule and signifies that my body doesn't think it is important to get up to do school stuff. Argh!

I brought three large books home for reading over the break and I haven't even cleared my plate to allow myself the time to read them. Plus, Fav Prof gave me an 500-page biography about Alan Turning and I had better finish it before classes start again. He might have been saying that I should try reading for fun every once in awhile. Fun? What do you mean? Academic books are fun to read. I'm really looking forward to reading about structural equation modeling and behavioral endocrinology (yes, I'm such an extreme nerd that it's making you sick right about now).

Anyhoo, now that I've procrastinated a bit by blogging, perhaps I can force myself to reply to the grant officer. Ugh!

Udate: I finally sent off an email to the grant officer. I had to research current treatments for anorexia in order to answer her question intelligently. But, I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders and I'm pleased with my lengthy response. I had to change the title as well, and I prefer the new title.

One more update: I just remembered that I still have to finish programming the task in Superlab and test it out on the computer, which has been freezing. Hopefully, it can handle my newer, less intensive design. Hrmmm, as soon as I cross one thing off the list, another gets added to it.

Okay, now I'm just confused

Apparently, I'm having a completely different experience here than some of the other grad students. The grad students had a holiday get-together, and it was going fine until it devolved into a gossip-fest. I just hate gossip so much. It does nothing productive but make people feel better about their position by denigrating others.

Anyhoo, two other grad students thought that Fav Prof has an extremely big ego. But, I was completely taken aback because I thought that Slightly Egotistical Prof had a bigger ego than Fav Prof. They were insistent that Fav Prof has a big ego. Gah! I don't understand! Has their experience with Fav Prof been so different than mine? I think that I interpret Fav Prof's comments as jokes, whereas the other students interpret them as egotistical statements. I do the same thing, so I though Fav Prof was doing that as well. I make all kinds of egotistical statements, but I'm essentially making fun of myself. The problem is that the other students don't get the part where I'm making fun of myself and they think I'm serious when I never am.

I really enjoy talking with Fav Prof and when I talk with him, he doesn't seem egotistical at all. But, perhaps what's going on is that the other students don't have such strong "ego resilience" (Fav Prof's catch phrase) as I do. So when they talk with him, they express less self-assurance and he reacts by talking down to them. Fav Prof does like to use the phrases, "No!" and "You're wrong!" all the time. But, I refuse to accept that and push at Fav Prof until he explains his reasoning, while they defer to him instead. Sigh. I just want to defend Fav Prof, because, well, he's my favorite professor.

The other thing was that these same two grad students really liked the prof that I was having so much difficulty with a couple weeks ago. I was once again taken aback, but I decided not to express my distaste for him to the other grad students. The prof and I just seem to clash, but yet they think that he is incredibly nice and helpful. What?!?! Argh! I just do not understand how our experiences have been so different, and how we have all come up with such different impressions of people.

Anyways, clearly, my impression is the only valid one. (Okay, that was a joke. I'm making social commentary on how egotistical people think they are right and others are wrong by expressing it myself in a facetious manner. I'm beginning to think I need to provide parenthetical commentary in my everyday life so that people will understand me.)

I need another ego-check

Sigh, for the second time this semester, I butted heads with Slightly Egotistical Prof to the point that we both had to apologize to each other an hour later. Ugh, I really need to reign in my ego apparently. He had to tell me that he was the one leading class, not I. I have this propensity to take over class, and think I'm right about everything. And I have no qualms about insinuating that the prof doesn't know what he's talking about. It's no wonder he lashed out at me. He felt really bad about it, though, while I stewed in anger and refused to contribute to class for quite some time.

We were arguing over stats. I thought that the results of his factor analysis was garbage. I thought that his questionnaire that he had factor analyzed was garbage, too. Of course, I didn't actually say that in so many words. Kinda...

So while I stewed, he tried to get the class to help figure out what meaningful psychological construct could be applied to the set of factors. Garbage! But, the class kept rationalizing the groupings of widely disparate items. Complete garbage! It was not worthwhile to attempt to figure out the factors without letting us see the factor loadings and trying different factor rotation methods. So finally I suggested that if it seemed like his factors were correlated, he should have compared a varimax rotation method to a promax rotation. He took me up on the challenge and we put his data on my laptop, since his SPSS license had expired. I proceeded to work my magic and removed items with poor factor loadings until I had a set of five factors. It was amazing because when I started listing off the new items for the factors, everyone got excited about how the factor structures actually made sense. Beautiful, absolutely beautiful, no more garbage. Slightly egotistical prof was very pleased, and wanted me to save the output, too.

Yes, ego boost, ego boost. Ooops! Too much ego.

Anyhoo, it seems that I've become the resident statistical consultant. Last week one of the students came into the computer lab and asked me to help her with her factor analysis for our class. This week one of the other students asked me to come to her house to help her with the factor analysis for class as well. Then today, completely unrelated, Slightly egotistical prof brought in that factor analysis that he didn't realize he needed help with. One of the other students said she might come in tonight to get help from me as well. I don't know if she'll actually come by, but if she does....data, data, data. Ahhh, data...give me data to play with...

I want to take another vacation

And not just any vacation. I want to go back to San Antonio, Texas and revisit the Riverwalk. I want to recapture the beautiful weather and freeze it for all time. I want to live in that quaint historic hotel and sit on the veranda, sipping coffee and reading. I want to sit in on academic talks and discuss deep theoretical issues of psychology and education to whomever has a willing ear. Can't I have intellectual stimulation in a soothing environment, with no deadlines, no stress, and no assignments? Only that which I want to accomplish of my own volition, with nothing attached but a personal sense of satisfaction and accomplishment.

Oh, sweet San Antonio, you represent all that I enjoy, my desired final destination. Would that you were a constant state. Would that I could attain your bliss anywhere, anytime. Sigh, surely you are attainable. For you are a mere fragment of a thought away.

You know you're a nerd when...

You stay up until 4pm analyzing data because you think it's fun, fascinating, and exciting, not because it's due the next day. Yeesh, it's not even due until Wednesday.

End of Semester Freakout Fest

For those of you new to the blog, I have a tradition of writing one post at the end of the semester entirely dedicated to the glorious phenomenon and illustrious competition known as Finals Week Freakout Fest. Feel free to read the posts from Fall 2005 and Spring 2006. Although Spring 2006 was not a serious competition.

Well, my freakout fest occurred in the last couple of weeks for that whole grant writing thing. Ever since Wednesday, the day after the grant was due, I've been in a blissful haze. No more end-of-semester freakout fest for me. In fact, my piddley assignments are going to be fun in comparison to that grant (which required an all-nighter on top of a re-write the next day, and I didn't even have coffee...pity me, pity me). In fact, I have a vague suspicion that I have been scarred by the grant-writing process. Hmm......

Therefore, I declare myself the winner of a new category, the End-of-Semester Freakout Fest, but I again lose the competition for Finals Week Freakout Fest, which is restricted to finals week, of course. Darn it! I have yet to win Finals Week Freakout Fest! In fact, my finals week will probably be the easiest week I've had in a number of weeks. However, I have declared my poor colleague the winner of Finals Week Freakout Fest by a landslide. Her finals week is so agonizing that I can't even bring myself to talk about it. I just hope that she'll make it through without cracking.

For all the rest of you out there muddling through finals week, good luck to ya.

Grant has been submitted

Well, I submitted the fellowship application with 10 minutes to spare. I did a section wrong and had to skip class in order to re-write it. Plus, I missed one small section that unfortunately my sponsor was supposed to write. So I wrote it pretending I was her writing about me. Psst! Don't tell anyone! (No, it wasn't the reference letter.)

Anyways, if you ever decide to write a fellowship application, I have some no-brainer advice. First, talk to your university's grant office way in advance. Don't be like me, who had an inkling that I should talk to someone, but didn't bother following through on that thought until a few days beforehand. I mistakenly thought that I would only need them to provide codes and signatures. I was wrong. Second, you might actually want to get your advisor to help you with it. And it would probably be a good idea to send it to your advisor sooner than the night before it's due. Don't pretend that you can do everything without your advisor's help. Besides, the NRSA actually has a section in which you have to explain what yours and your advisor's respective contributions were to the proposal write-up. Saying you did it all yourself and didn't solicit advice or feedback from your advisor probably doesn't sound all that good.

I'm not really that close with my advisor. It shouldn't matter, except that I wonder if maybe she thinks she doesn't need to advise me. For example, she seems to get more involved with other students. She sent a previous student the articles that she had to review for publication and asked the other grad student to review it. And she sent another student her syllabus for comments and revisions. She hardly ever asks me to do anything that has educational value (I know some of you are thinking it's free labor.) I don't know, I'm glad that I'm not used as free labor, but I also wish I had opportunities to learn about everything that she does.

But, I think it might be all on me. I never really set up times to meet with her. I just randomly drop in to say hi and we catch up on what each other is doing. I don't really ask her for anything (except research assistants, I want a steady supply of RAs, muhaha). I just don't give her the chance to advise me. Perhaps I should change my tactics.......or not. Heh!

Update on yesterday's post of despair

Yes, things did get better. Phew! Through two final emails, the psych pool prof and I tried to smooth things over with each other. We don't really have to meet now. I guess he's not as bad as I had perceived him to be.

The neuropsych externship is coming along better. The Neurpsychologist finally got back to me and found that there was an online course I could take through the hospital. So I only need to specify in the letter that I will be fulfilling the requirement at the hospital. Now on to gathering signatures and turning in paperwork. I just hope he doesn't suggest I attend an orientation a week from Monday because that's when I have to give my final presentation in class. Yep, that's just not going to work.

I met with the grant specialist for two hours today and we poured over the crazy fellowship requirements together. I can still apply, I just need to accomplish the impossible this weekend by finishing it. Yikes! Then on Monday morning I need to call tons of people and run around obtaining signatures so that I can give this to the grant office to put together and send off by Tuesday.

Although, I still have to put together all the materials for the pilot study I'm starting on Monday. I haven't found all the surveys I need either. Blech! I guess I can deal with some missing data. It's just pilot data afterall. Just very expensive pilot data, that is. Oh, well. I met with two of my research assistants to get them acquainted with the project rationale and the procedures for next week. Man, I love leading research meetings. (warm fuzzies)

So things are getting slightly better, I just need to get that grant done in the next two days. I was hoping to have people read over it, but that just might not happen. We'll see....