It's easier to be around other people's families...

For precisely the reason that they don't know enough about you to pry or give unsolicited advice. I'm spending this 4th of July holiday with my sisters (who live an hour and a half away). I'm also inviting my boyfriend to meet them for the first time. I talked with both of them on the phone individually and both said things to me that either made me angry or upset. Of course, I didn't respond to their comments. My older sister seemed to think that she knew best what my timeline should be with my boyfriend (involving cutting him off before the first six months if a certain amount of "spiritual progress" was not met). I know I tend to go with the flow instead of forcing an issue, but I'd rather be on God's timeline than anyone else's.

My younger sister said a couple things that upset me directly or gave me pause. The one thing she said that gave me pause was that certain things I dislike about him (e.g., excessive self-consciousness about appearance) would be fixed as soon as he received the Holy Spirit. I'm not so sure about this. I think it might take a little while for maladaptive thought patterns to be changed by good teaching and the working of the Holy Spirit. I know I wasn't perfected when I received the Baptism of the Holy Spirit. God worked on me for three years afterwards (yeah, I didn't even realize my (continual?) need to be transformed).

The other thing she said was that my she and my Dad were worried that my boyfriend would whittle down my fragile self-confidence because Mormons are programmed to think of women as second-rate and inferior to men. Women have a minimized place in the Mormon church in comparison to men (especially considering that weird belief that a woman can't enter heaven unless her husband calls her by name from the other side. What if he decides not to???).

This actually hit close to home because I've noticed lately that my boyfriend prefers to critique my appearance rather than compliment me. He actually seems more comfortable saying negative things than positive things. I think I'm past the initial infatuation, but I'm critiquing his psyche rather than his appearance.

In any case, I never realized how much my sisters annoy me.

Little compliments make a big difference

Just when I was a little down on myself for my perceived difficulty with writing, I received a nice compliment about my writing in an email today. Oh, how well-timed...

I really must share, not because I'm trying to puff myself up on my blog, but because it illustrates what a coincidence it is that last weekend I felt bad about how difficult it is for me to write and then immediately received a compliment about my writing on Monday morning. It's as if God is orchestrating the little things to keep me from beating myself up.

Here's the highlight of the email from the IRB reviewer about the proposal I wrote: "I must say how much I enjoyed reading your proposal. What an interesting study and so very well conceptualized."

The reviewer thought my advisor wrote the proposal, but my advisor replied with this: "Thank you for the kind words, but my graduate student, Kiki, did most of the writing and deserves all the credit!"

What a wonderful advisor I have! And what a nice thing for that reviewer to say. Everybody needs a little compliment every now and then and this one came just when I needed it.

A new twist on the story of the prodigal son

Last weekend when I visited my boyfriend's family in California, I had the opportunity to attend his uncle's church. His uncle is the pastor, but it being Father's day, there was a special service and there was a guest speaker. It was also special because all the different services were together in one room. There are three languages spoken in his uncle's church and usually they have three services in different languages. Luckily for me, the service was spoken in English with a Chinese Mandarin interpreter. For those who only spoke Taiwanese dialect, the translation was available in earpieces.

The pastor spoke on the parable of the prodigal son. For me, it was an amazing lesson in Asian culture, because the twist that the pastor introduced would be completely irrelevant to American culture (for the most part!). You know the story, the prodigal son asks for his part of the inheritance and squanders it with wild living. But, in order to make this parable more personal for the congregation, the pastor spoke about how they probably envy the prodigal son because he gets to go do whatever he wants. But, they would never waste their money. They would put half of it in the bank and live off the interest while they enjoy life. At this point, I couldn't keep in a little snicker, because this is a point of difference that constantly gets rehashed between my boyfriend and I. He loves to talk about cultural difference and the way Taiwanese and Americans approach finances is quite the opposite of each other. Taiwanese are very keen on saving money and accumulating wealth through prudent living. Americans, on the other hand, love to live beyond their means, and feel no qualms about acquiring dept.

My boyfriend didn't get why I was laughing, though. He, he. There was another twist that I hadn't heard before as well, illustrating cultural differences. The pastor then talked about how the parable of the prodigal son is really about how much God loves us and will drop everything to look for his lost children. So he began to look at the parable from the perspective of the father and describe what the father was thinking and feeling. He talked about how the neighbors probably looked down on him for having such a reprobate son and how he must not have loved his son if he gave him the inheritance and just let him leave. His servants would have understood that he loved his son, but they would have told him to give up longing for his return because his son would never return to him. He also talked about how the local pastor would have talked with him about his son. Basically, the father "lost face" in front of everybody because his son did something so selfish and disrespectful to him. He couldn't even wait around for his father to die to get his inheritance, for pete's sake!

But, the Father knew that he needed to give his son up and lovingly let him leave in order for him to realize what he gave up. Then the Father waited for his son to return and ran to him and even restored his place as son when other's would not be so forgiving and so loving. Then he sang the song, "When God Ran." It was really touching, but I had never heard a version before that focused on what other people thought of the father's misfortune and how the father lost face. "Face" is so much more important in Taiwanese culture. But, for me, I was raised to think that it didn't matter what other people thought of you.

I certainly have never heard the parable of the prodigal son illustrated in this manner before. I enjoyed getting such a personal glimpse into Asian culture. It's makes it so much more real to experience it rather than talk about it.

As lightning strikes...

I preemptively light candles in hopes that there is not a power outage (or surge, maybe I should unplug my laptop). The lightning started on one side of my house, momentarily illuminating the dimly lit room through a sliver in the curtains. Then the storm passed over my house and the lightning entered through the blinds on the other side of my house as I sit here deafened by the thunder. Something made a beeping noise in my house.

I listen for the rain, but I am disappointed.

I took a break from my lit search on anorexia and read scientifically-oriented blogs about recent cognitive neuroscience findings. I should not do this to myself, but I envy those bloggers. This is just a personal blog, but sometimes I think I want to have another professional blog where I post on serious issues in my field.

The Comedian once said that some people are overachievers and some people should not be.

Unfortunately, I think he was suggesting that I fall into the category of those who should not be overachievers. For the overachievers, excellence seems to come naturally (I bet those bloggers enjoy what they are doing). For those who should not be, excellence comes at a high cost and with great effort, but they still strive for excellence regardless. Sigh, I really do fall into the latter category.

I have a great many aspirations, but the work is still undone and the effort is certainly not tireless. Am I really meant to do what I do? I wish I enjoyed writing articles more. I do enjoy just about everything else. I just wish that reading articles and writing articles came more easily.

I suppose I should get back to work. Those articles don't find themselves.

Wow, vacationing really is nice...

I really don't want to be back this week. I loved my trip to Los Angeles, California (actually Fullerton, south of LA). My boyfriend's cousin graduated from University of California, Irvine, so we went to see her graduate. I absolutely love my boyfriend's family (aunt, uncle, and two female cousins a little younger than I). I miss them and I don't want to be back. It was amazingly relaxing. Usually, I get pretty stressed out on trips, especially to see my own family (they are too energetic for their own good). But, I actually was very refreshed in the presence of my boyfriend's family. I felt the same sort of peacefulness and quiet manner of expression that I try to foster in my own home. They were so hospitable and relaxed about life that I wish I could live with them all the time. My own family tends express such an overabundance of energy, disharmony, and dirtiness that I usually have difficulty staying with them for very long.

I'm actually kind of depressed to be back. I miss them and miss spending all my time with them and my boyfriend. Sigh....

Whirlwind of Scripture

A friend of mine dared to ask me a three-fold question about religion. Why are there so many divisions and branches in the Church? If there is one Bible, why are there so many interpretations of the same scriptures? How are we supposed to know what interpretation/church is the one that is really from God?

I tell you, friend, we will know the church is from God if we hear one thing uttered from the church members' lips: Jesus Christ is the Son of God and by the shedding of his blood we are saved. Though there be many churches, there is one body and that body is defined by the profession that Jesus is Lord. Though there be minor differences in doctrine, we will know we are all Christ's disciples when we show love one church for another.

That said, I have compiled a list of scripture that show that your surprise and exasperation at the divisions in the church has been dealt with before the first apostles were even buried in their graves. Indeed, this is not a contemporary problem, and the scripture gives us clues as to how we should respond, all pointing back to the doctrine of Jesus, I might add.

John 8: 31-32
To the Jews who had believed him, Jesus said, “If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”

John 7: 15-17
The Jews were amazed and asked, How did this man get such learning without having studied? Jesus answered, My teaching is not my own. It comes from him who sent me. If anyone chooses to do God's will, he will find out whether my teaching comes from God or whether I speak on my own. He who speaks on his own does so to gaihonorur for himself, but he who works for thhonorur of the one who sent him is a man of truth; there is nothing false about him.

Romans 16:17-18
Now I beseech you, brethren, mark them which cause divisions and offences contrary to the doctrine which ye have learned; and avoid them. For they that are such serve not our Lord Jesus Christ, but their own belly; and by good words and fair speeches deceive the hearts of the simple.

Ephesians 4: 1-21
Unity in the Body of Christ
As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. There is one body and one Spirit— just as you were called to one hope when you were called—one Lord, one faith, one baptism; one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all. But to each one of us grace has been given as Christ apportioned it. This is why it says:

When he ascended on high, he led captives in his train and gave gifts to men. (What does he ascended mean except that he also descended to the lower, earthly regions? He who descended is the very one who ascended higher than all the heavens, in order to fill the whole universe.) It was he who gave some to be apostles, some to be prophets, some to be evangelists, and some to be pastors and teachers, to prepare God's people for works of service, so that the body of Christ may be built up until we all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of the Son of God and become mature, attaining to the whole measure of fullnessness of Christ. Then we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching and by the cunning and craftiness of men in their deceitful scheming. Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is, Christ. From him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work.

So I tell you this, and insist on it in the Lord, that you must no longer live as the Gentiles do, in the futility of their thinking. They are darkened in their understanding and separated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them due to the hardening of their hearts. Having lost all sensitivity, they have given themselves over to sensuality so as to indulge in every kind of impurity, with a continual lust for more. You, however, did not come to know Christ that way. Surely you heard of him and were taught in him in accordance with the truth that is in Jesus.


Colossians 2: 1-23
1 I want you to know how much I am struggling for you and for those at Laodicea, and for all who have not met me personally. My purpose is that they may be encouraged in heart and united in love, so that they may have the full riches of complete understanding, in order that they may know the mystery of God, namely, Christ, in whom are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge. I tell you this so that no-one may deceive you by fine-sounding arguments. For though I am absent from you in body, I am present with you in spirit and delight to see how orderly you are and how firm your faith in Christ is.

So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live in him, rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness. See to it that no-one takes you captive through hollow and deceptive philosophy, which depends on human tradition and the basic principles of this world rather than on Christ.

For in Christ all fullnessness of the Deity lives in bodily form, and you have been gifullnessness in Christ, who is the Head over every power and authority. In him you were also circumcised, in the putting off of the sinful nature, not with a circumcision done by the hands of men but with the circumcision done by Christ, having been buried with him in baptism and raised with him through your faith in the power of God, who raised him from the dead.

When you were dead in your sins and in the uncircumcision of your sinful nature, God made you alive with Christ. He forgave us all our sins, having cancelled the written code, with its regulations, that was against us and that stood opposed to us; he took it away, nailing it to the cross. And having disarmed the powers and authorities, he made a public spectacle of them, triumphing over them by the cross. Therefore do not let anyone judge you by what you eat or drink, or with regard to a religious festival, a New Moon celebration or a Sabbath day. These are a shadow of the things that were to come; the reality, however, is found in Christ.

Do not let anyone who delights in false humility and the worship of angels disqualify you for the prize. Such a person goes into great detail about what he has seen, and his unspiritual mind puffs him up with idle notions. He has lost connection with the Head, from whom the whole body, supported and held together by its ligaments and sinews, grows as God causes it to grow. Since you died with Christ to the basic principles of this world, why, as though you still belonged to it, do you submit to its rules: Do not handle! Do not taste! Do not touch!? These are all destined to perish with use, because they are based on human commands and teachings.

Such regulations indeed have an appearance of wisdom, with their self-imposed worship, their false humility and their harsh treatment of the body, but they lack any value in restraining sensual indulgence.

1 Timothy 1: 1-20
1 Paul, an apostle of Christ Jesus by the command of God our Saviour and of Christ Jesus our hope, To Timothy my true son in the faith: Grace, mercy and peace from God the Father and Christ Jesus our Lord.

Warning Against False Teachers of the Law
3 As I urged you when I went into Macedonia, stay there in Ephesus so that you may command certain men not to teach false doctrines any longer nor to devote themselves to myths and endless genealogies. These promote controversies rather than God's work— which is by faith. The goal of this command is love, which comes from a pure heart and a good conscience and a sincere faith.

Some have wandered away from these and turned to meaningless talk. They want to be teachers of the law, but they do not know what they are talking about or what they so confidently affirm.

We know that the law is good if one useproperly. Wely.We also know that law is made not for the righteous but for lawbreakers and rebels, the ungodly and sinful, the unholy and irreligious; for those who kill their fathers or mothers, for murderers, for adulterers and perverts, for slave traders and liars and perjurers— and for whatever else is contrary to the sound doctrine that conforms to the glorious gospel of the blessed God, which he entrusted to me.

I thank Christ Jesus our Lord, who has given me strength, that he considered me faithful, appointing me to his service. Even though I was once a blasphemer and a persecutor and a violent man, I was shown mercy because I acted in ignorance and unbelief. The grace of our Lord was poured out on me abundantly, along with the faith and love that are in Christ Jesus.

Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners— of whom I am the worst. But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his unlimited patience as an example for those who would believe on him and receive eternal life. Now to the King eternal, immortal, invisible, the only Ghonor honour and glory for ever and ever. Amen.

Timothy, my son, I give you this instruction in keeping with the prophecies once made about you, so that by following them you may fight the good fight,holding on to faith and a good conscience. Some have rejected these and so have shipwrecked their faith. Among them are Hymenaeus and Alexander, whom I have handed over to Satan to be taught not to blaspheme.

1 Timothy 4: 1-16
Instructions to Timothy
1 The Spirit clearly says that in later times some will abandon the faith and follow deceiving spirits and things taught by demons. Such teachings come through hypocritical liars, whose consciences have been seared as with a hot iron. They forbid people to marry and order them to abstain from certain foods, which God created to be received with thanksgiving by those who believe and who know the truth. For everything God created is good, and nothing is to be rejected if it is received with thanksgiving, because it is consecrated by the word of God and prayer.

If you point these things out to the brothers, you will be a good minister of Christ Jesus, brought up in the truths of the faith and of the good teaching that you have followed. Have nothing to do with godless myths and old wives' tales; rather, train yourself to be godly. For physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come.

This is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance (and for tlabor labour and strive), that we have put our hope in the living God, who is the Saviour of all men, and especially of those who believe. Command and teach these things.

Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity. Until I come, devote yourself to the public reading of Scripture, to preaching and to teaching. Do not neglect your gift, which was given you through a prophetic message when the body of elders laid their hands on you. Be diligent in these matters; give yourself wholly to them, so that everyone may see your progress. Watch your life and doctrine closely. Persevere in them, because if you do, you will save both yourself and your hearers.

2 Timothy 4: 1-4
In the presence of God and of Christ Jesus, who will judge the living and the dead, and in view of his appearing and his kingdom, I give you this charge: Preach the Word; be prepared in season and out of season; correct, rebuke and encourage— with great patience and careful instruction. For the time will come when men will not put up with sound doctrine. Instead, to suit their own desires, they will gather around them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear. They will turn their ears away from the truth and turn aside to myths.

Titus 1: 9-11
He must hold firmly to the trustworthy message as it has been taught, so that he can encourage others by sound doctrine and refute those who oppose it. For there are many rebellious people, mere talkers and deceivers, especially those of the circumcision group. They must be silenced, because they are ruining whole households by teaching things they ought not to teach— and that for the sake of dishonest gain.

Hebrews 13: 8-9
Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and for ever. Do not be carried away by all kinds of strange teachings.

In conclusion, do not stray from the teachings you first received from Jesus himself. Jesus is Lord and no other. Though we all choose to worship in different churches, the only church that is not from God is the one that has forsaken Jesus and followed after another with strange new teachings.

High school students are in the lab

Weird happenings in research-ville, lately. Our lab is involved in a local upward-bound program for high school students. So we help students do a project and write a paper, powerpoint, and poster presentation. However, one of the other grad students decided to help the program out by hosting students as well. My advisor couldn't be there on the first day, so the undergrad and I went to pick up the student ourselves. Well, the other grad student was there and he wanted us to join forces and chat with the students together. That's fine, except that he was totally unprepared and didn't even know what project he should have his students do. Even so, he dominated all the talking. So we started them on my project and I tried to pull him aside to iron out what other project we might have the students do that could involve a different project of mine or his. But, he wouldn't commit to anything. I had to tell the students that we would chat with our advisor and give them more details about different aspects of the project the following day.

Well, turns out the students went back and complained. My advisor got an email stating that each student should have one project, not three to a project. Ugh! One of the students decided to join a biology lab, but the other two were still interested (one from our group; one from his).

We all met this morning to prepare for the students and come up with a solution. But, the other grad student totally flaked out and said we could take both the students becaue he was too busy writing articles. Grrr!

He said that he only offered to do this to help the program out. But, if you are not serious about helping, you should not start students off on such a bad foot and then hand them off to someone else as you exit the picture.

I am so annoyed. But, I think it turned out the way it should have.

It's a Miracle!!!!!

I found my social security card!! It was in my purse. I just rummaged around my purse to get my cell phone when my social security card flipped upwards from the depths. I'm flabbergasted because I really didn't think I slipped my card in there myself. I would have put it in my wallet rather than entrust it to the depths of my purse. I usually remember everything I do and I don't remember intentionally placing it there (perhaps I was sleep walking, it was hard waking up that morning).

I wonder if maybe it slipped out and into my purse after I draped my purse over my shoulder, situated it on my hip, and then picked up the folder and held it by my hip. In any case, I thank God for restoring my card to me. I prayed, my Pastor prayed, and my Pastor's wife prayed as well. I thank all of you for praying.

I find it interesting that I wrote that I needed a miracle on Friday when I lost the card. Then Pastor asked if anyone needed a miracle on Saturday. On Sunday he reiterated that God still does miracles. So I released my need up to God and told Him that I believed He would give me a miracle.

God did not disappoint me! Thank you, God, for miraculously giving me back my social security card.

Supporting Scripture

John 14: 12-14 Verily, Verily, I say unto you, He that believeth on me, the works that I do shall he do also, and greater works than these shall he do; because I go unto my Father. [13] And whatsoever ye shall ask in my name, that will I do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son. [14] If ye shall ask any thing in my name, I will do it.

Interesting Coincidence

I went to prayer service today and when we all gathered together Pastor asked if anyone needed a miracle. I was so surprised because that is exactly what I had written in my previous blog post concerning my social security card. But, I found out that Pastor hadn't read my blog, so he couldn't have known I needed a miracle. I guess my Pastor doesn't even need to read my blog! He, he, he. But, anyways, I don't know if that was a cue for me to present my need or not. I guess I was too shy that night, but that's okay, I suppose.

My boyfriend went with me and afterwards he talked about a friend of his who got sick and died even though people prayed for him to heal. He suggested that sometimes our prayers don't come true if it is against God's will (such as it must have been God's will that his friend die and no prayer could change that).

It pains me inside to hear that. It seems like that mindset is just a convenient excuse for not having the faith to believe that your prayers are powerful and can enact change. Or that mindset could be a way of protecting a fragile belief in God, such that if your prayers don't come through, it's not because there is no God to answer your prayers, but that God doesn't want to answer your prayers. Both cases cripple our authority as believers and undermine our faith in God. Did not Got want to wipe the Israelites off the planet? And didn't Moses' fervent pleading actually change God's mind and spare the Israelites? Aren't there so many other examples of God changing his planned course of action because of the requests of a few or simply one of his anointed?

There is some truth to my boyfriend's statement in that we should be seeking to pray God's will. But, we should have faith in all things and we have the authority to come before God in Jesus' name to petition for specific things and we have the right to expect results. It's exactly as Pastor said before we started praying; He prefaced the prayer service with exactly that statement and emphasized it quite a bit, too.

Well, I guess I should try to act this out by expecting in faith that my social security card will be restored to me.

Blech! This has been a really rough day, too.

Even though I was so tired last night, I still couldn't fall asleep until 2am. My mind kept rehashing things from the day that were unpleasant. Yes, I think too much, be it pleasant or unpleasant. I had to be at the computer lab to find out about getting a job. Turns out I needed to fill out some paperwork for student employment, but I had to provide my birth certificate or social security card. Well, then I had to drive back home and get the documents. Everything was in order in a little folder when I left the house, but when I arrived at the student-employment counter and opened up the folder, my social security card was not there. It must have fallen out of the folder at some point during my walk from the car to the building, but I couldn't find it anywhere. I searched under the seats of my car, in crevices, and retraced all my steps. It was nowhere to be found. So then I drove home and it wasn't anywhere there either. Sigh. So I took a nap and talked with my boyfriend later that day. He found me me some numbers to call about the card. So I ordered a replacement copy and put a fraud alert on my social security number. The problem is that the employment office wouldn't accept my certified copy of my birth certificate. It had to be the original (jerky student assistant!!!). I don't have any way of getting the paperwork through to allow me to start working before this Thursday when they want me to start. I need a miracle from God.

Ugh! Not feeling too good right now.

This is bizarre. I couldn't sleep last night. I played on the internet and drank Dr. Pepper constantly. Before I knew it, it was 4am and I still wasn't tired. Maybe I haven't had enough caffeine lately and my body wasn't prepared for the onslaught of caffeinated beverages. Although, today after I got up around 11am, I was fine.

But, not right now. I feel tired and nauseous. I met with my prayer partner and had a good time, and then I bought dinner for The Comedian and brought it back to the computer lab where he works. Recently, I've been hanging out in the computer lab with The Comedian. It used to be that his jokes were too negative because they were meant as a put-down, but in jest. However, he seemed to figure out that he should tone things down a little for me. So I really actually had fun chatting with him because he would make me laugh all the time and I never took anything he said seriously.

I had some coffee with my prayer partner and it filled me up, so I didn't eat much of the food that I brought back. After dinner, The Comedian showed me how to close down the lab, since I'm going to start working at the computer lab soon, taking over his hours since he's leaving for an internship. We were about to leave when my boyfriend comes walking down the hall. The Comedian ups the ante and starts teasing my boyfriend mercilessly. Of course, it doesn't faze my boyfriend at all and he just simply began sparring with The Comedian. I was so impressed with my boyfriend's quick wit and ability to make The Comedian laugh in return. But, the teasing took on more of that intensity and I shifted to observation mode, allowing the two to trade barbs without much input from me.

After awhile I became mentally and physically exhausted. My body began to wilt. I think it could have been because of the lack of sleep and lack of food, but I remember that this same thing happened awhile back and I blogged about it. I was tired and hungry and as soon as my boyfriend and The Comedian began to spar, I began to wilt.

There are a few things that I think are going on here. For one, I sometimes think I'm not that intelligent because I often have difficulty expressing myself verbally. I get flustered and unable to find the words I need to express my idea. When the intensity level rises, my ability to communicate plummets. My brain simply shuts down. Sometimes I can't even hold up my part of a normal everyday conversation. So when The Comedian upped the ante with my boyfriend, I felt like I could no longer contribute intelligently to the conversation.

I also think there is something that was going on at a spiritual level. The Comedian's jokes are designed to poke fun of you in jest, so even though you can take it lightly, it still puts you on the defense. And it's founded on negativity. Certainly not meant to build you up. I really think that it drains my spiritual defenses. None of it was directed at me, but nonetheless, it still drained me to be in the presence of it and witness it directed at my boyfriend. Luckily, it didn't seem to drain my boyfriend. He can take a joke at his expense it just rolls right off him.

Sigh, I'm starting to feel slightly better, less nauseous. I may have another banana and go to bed.

Announcement: New Flickr photos have been posted

My boyfriend took some pics of his trip to Taiwan and I've posted a bunch so far. However, I have been foiled by Flickr! The website is down for maintenance so I can't finish uploading all the photos right now. But, I will finish uploading them later and you can feast your eyes on glorious Taiwan (and see how cute my boyfriend is). Click on the Flickr link to the right. I'm too lazy to provide a link in this post.

Since I can't upload more photos on Flickr, I'll just insert a picture here of me and my boyfriend. Isn't this the most darling picture? He wanted to take pics of us to show to his parents in Taiwan (as proof that he does have a hot American girlfriend!!!) He, he, just kidding. Anyways, I think this one turned out the best. Now I must devise a way to steal the rest of the pics of us that I don't have yet. :)

This Post Does Not Have a Title

How does one convey a mood? I don't know, but I'm feeling so relaxed and satisfied that I just want to sit here and listen to pleasant music and revisit the highlights of the day in my head. Anyone who's known me long will discover that one of the things I do is sit and think, sinking into pure oblivion for hours. It's a way for me to relax.

My thought life is so active that I can envision the entire surroundings, facial expressions, and tone of voice as words are delivered (even if I can't remember the exact words). My mind will replay events as if it was a visual recording that indelibly imprinted itself on my mind.

Today was filled with nothing but pleasantness, so my imaginations lead me to nothing but bursts of laughter. I think I'm an incredibly silly person; I've become so lighthearted that I burst into jokes and say so many silly things in jest.

Hmm, sorry, but I think I'm going to go back to my thoughts. If this post was going somewhere, it isn't anymore. He, he, he.

Silly predicament that I should not even be thinking about

I tried to get the e-prime software today. It is going to be harder than expected. I went down to the psych office to see if I could get into one of the prof's offices because the other prof I'm working with thought the software might be there. The temporary administrative assistant didn't know where the office was (apparently his office had been moved, but nobody seems to know since he's on sabbatical, never to return). So she asked the Department Chair and he stopped everything he was doing to walk all over the building with me and unlock three separate rooms, looking for what I needed (have I ever mentioned that he is the best Department Chair on the face of the planet).

While we were looking, he mentioned the Structural Equation Modeling class and I remembered to tell him I was hoping the other prof was going to teach it. He laughed and we went back to his office to call the home phone number of the admin assist who was out until Wednesday and ask her if she knew where the stuff was stored (No answer.). Then he let me know that the SEM class is slated for the spring semester on the even years. So the class is not going to be offered until 2008, and he can't deviate from the plan.

Remember how I mentioned that Scary Instructor might teach it instead and I was going to refuse to take it from her? Well, it turns out the the Department Chair spoke with the Department Chair in the stats department about offering SEM next spring and they are in the process of trying to make that happen. As the Department Chair was saying this, a smile spread upon his face and it all of a sudden hit me that he was the reason Scary Instructor was potentially going to teach the class and he was doing it to help me out (because I've already indicated that need the class). I'm sure he has other people in mind because I'm not the only one who was interested in the class. But, still, I feel obligated to take the class now that he went out of his way to try to get the class offered in another department.

Gah! Not Scary Instructor! My only chance is if Scary Instructor bails or there aren't enough funds to offer another class in the SRM department. Otherwise, I might actually take this class from her because I feel too bad about refusing something that the DC went out of his way to make available for me. But, again, as the title of this post suggests, all of this is not even going to take place until next Spring of 2007. I should wait until then to be concerned. Heh!

Research Update

I found out that my advisor did not get the Department of Ed grant that she had applied for the Brainwise project. It's really difficult to get grants on the first round. I'm afraid that she won't reapply. She's so busy that the next deadline might just pass her by (she starts so many things, but it seems like very few actually come to fruition). So there is no GRA available for me next fall. That's okay, though. I really wasn't that interested in the Brainwise project, and I didn't want to drive down to The Big City to test kids in dangerous parts of the city. I'd much prefer to stay in Cow Town (even if it does smell). Either something else will open up or God will provide (He always does!).

I met with the other prof today. I really like this prof. I found out, however, that he isn't going to be teaching Structural Equation Modeling next Spring, but that Scary Instructor is going to be teaching it in the Statistics and Research Methods department. I really don't like Scary Instructor. Last time I was here during my Master's program, I took a class with her in which she emailed an assignment without telling us beforehand. I didn't check my email and therefore didn't have the assignment done. When I tried to explain it to her, she wouldn't believe me and insinuated that I was a slacker. I've been irked at her ever since and I have a sneaky suspicion that she bases her grades on how much she like students (depending on their work ethic and intelligence). She likes my boyfriend because he goes out of his way to work hard for her classes (and he's smart :), but I assure you, he deserved that 'A'). But, she already formed a bad impression of me, even if it wasn't correct. There is no way I'd take another class with her (she requires more work than is reasonable, I believe). So this is a very bad omen because I desperately need to take SEM. The prof suggested I talk to the Department Chair. But, I already unsuccessfully tried talking with him about having the class offered in the fall, and so I think that no matter how much the Department Chair likes me (and I know he's on my side) this sort of thing just might be out of my hands.

I also talked with the prof and found that he does have e-prime! But, I'm not sure that he knows were it is and it wasn't installed on any of the computers in the measurement lab. He thinks it might be in another prof's office (who doesn't work here anymore) and apparently it will be my job to find it (Oh, I laugh!). He has some data entry for me and some software and test inventory for me to create. Luckily, he also has another project in which I could do a lit search and write the intro if I wanted to (as extra). I don't know why, but I always want to do the hard stuff! It seems like both my advisor and this prof are presenting projects to me that have never been completed. I will now transform into my superhuman alter ego, The Finisher!, and get these done for them. But, I'm not sure how much of a finisher I am because I still have my own projects from my Master's that I never wrote up for publication. I want to do that as well. Hmm..it appears that some heavy duty work is set before me. I better stop pretending I'm on vacation and start doing it!

In other news, my boyfriend started his series of flights. He will arrive in The Big City very late on Saturday. He's never able to sleep the night before or during the 15 plus hours of flights he has to take. He'll probably go two days without sleeping. He'll stay with his friend in The Big City on Saturday and hopefully sleep late and drive back to Cow Town some time on Sunday afternoon. Safe travels!

Any day now...

My boyfriend will be returning from his month-long vacation within the next couple of days. I'm excited. It seems like it's been forever since I've seen him, and I just want to give him a great big hug. These next couple of days will go by fast, though. I have plenty of weeding to do until then. (Those weeds keep growing! I thought I was done last week, but nooo, as soon as I cut down all the big weeds, the small weeds became big!)

I'm meeting tomorrow with the other prof who asked me to do data entry and coding for him (You know, the one who wants to inculcate me into his lab? j/k!). I'm going to ask him about e-prime. I've seen a package of e-prime in his measurement lab. But, I think it was just a demo and I'd really like him to get the software (for stimulus presentation purposes in computerized cognitive tasks). My advisor has a task she's developing right now in Power Point and I learned how to program e-prime during my stint in a cogntive neurosciene program. It would be much better to use a stimulus presentation software with reaction time capabilities. Gah! I hope he already has the software in full use!